A Whale A Week: Special April 1 Edition...This Bud's For You!

This very special A Whale A Week is one I've been saving up for just such a day as today!

Bud Light

This amazing crowd-pleaser has been around since 1982 and its about time someone gave it the whale treatment!  AB-INBEV--formerly Anheuser-Busch Brewery--is known for its incredible market clout, Superbowl ads, horses, and of course it's famous eagle!  Currently touted as American, the company is owned by a business conglomerate located in Belgium.  I've been on the VIP tour at the old flagship St. Louis brewery and it was quite an eye-opening experience.  They were bottling "imported" Beck's beer that day.  

#Merica

For this tasting I invited over AWAW alumni Dave Manley and Steven Mathistad.  My wife was unwilling to take part in this one--choosing instead to sip on some Waconia Brewing Mo' Winta' Stout.  The beer was lovingly served into the appropriate drinking vessel.

Aroma:

Eric: They've really brought out the best here!  I know there's no corn in this beer, but I swear I smell it.  Corn?  I don't remember eating corn!  

Dave: Aromas of jock sweat and toe jam.  A hint of athlete's foot remedy--but can't decide if its Desinex or Tinactin.

Steven: Aroma is subtle with a hint of bad decisions and scary flashbacks.

Appearance:

Eric: Very light in color, almost full albino but minus the red eyes.  About the same color and appearance as a freshly collected urine specimen--just more foamy than it ought to be, perhaps someone suffering from proteinuria?  

Dave: Dead ringer for an Onterrio Smith urine sample run through a Whizzinator.  Wispy head (just like Onterrio Smith).  

Steven: Looks crisp and clean, like a nice hardy cider.  Not much head--although it lead to plenty in college!

Flavor:

Eric: Pretty sweet, with a hint of frog sweat--not poison dart frog, just regular frog.  I can't taste the Triple Hop at all!  Body is a bit thin, but less filling!  Slight taste of desperation.  I can tell that this was brewed the hard way just from the lack of any distinguishing characteristics.  Makes me want to party with Seth Rogan.  

Dave: Malty like a steamed hot dog bun sitting in a Metrodome vendor box.  Hot dog water used in the brewing process, I'm sure.  Hops: I'm sure there was a picture of hops somewhere in the brewhouse when they made this...

Steven: Flavor profile gives the impression of emesis and defecation.

Overall Impression:

Eric: I'm not sure this really gives me the #UpForWhatever kind of feeling that I was promised by clever marketing.  I'm pretty sure that the Clydesdales were a bit over-watered on the day they collected this sample--I want more pungency and Premarin horse estrogens out of this! 

Dave: Solid 5.  Makes me want to paint my face and go to a Devil's game with Puddy.

Steven: Makes me want to build a time machine and go back to my college years to beat the crap out of myself for ever cracking open one of these liquid bottles of monkey piss. 

Musings on Macro

Ok, I'll admit it, I payed absolutely no attention to the Superbowl this year at all.  I know, I'm the only person in the country who didn't care about it.  Having missed big show I discovered some activity about a Budweiser advertisement this morning.  I watched it on YouTube.   My bile has risen and a red veil of anger has dropped over my vision.

For those who haven't seen it: check it below.  I hesitate to give AB-Inbev free publicity, but you won't understand it if you don't see it.

Ok, so my craft beer fan tail feathers are up.  My impression is this: AB-Inbev/Budweiser is basically saying people who want to taste, smell and enjoy their beers are stupid.  But beechwood aging is super special.  Here is some info for those who don't know: beechwood adds no flavor to the beer, it just speeds up clarification of the beer so they can speed up the fermentation process and get more out the door faster.  And faster turn around time means more money!

And let us talk about Pumpkin Peach Beer.  Yes, we craft folks sometimes take things too far into territory that doesn't work.  On the other hand, AB-Inbev just spent Millions of dollars to purchase the craft brewery Elysian.  Elysian's head brewer Dick Cantwell is known for trying out unusual ingredients and every year hosts the Great Pumpkin Beer Festival, where they release 10-15 of their own pumpkin beers as well as many more guest pumpkin beers.  Last year's included Elysian's own Gourdgia On My Mind Pecan Peach Pumpkin Amber ale.  Yup, AB-Inbev you just slapped your newest acquisition right in the nads on national TV in front of millions of watchers.

One can see the desperation in this advertisement.  Realizing that the craft beer market is growing exponentially while the Big macro brews are staying flat or even dropping off, the big beer companies are starting to get scared.  This advertisement smacks of fear.  Let's make fun of this "fad" of actually paying attention to beers and enjoying their flavor and aroma.  It's all about drinkability and the ability to put down a 12 pack during a game!

I can see the trend of the big conglomerates continuing to buy out craft breweries.  For years they have tried to break into the market, but they have failed to understand what motivates the craft beer drinker: taste!  Remember the Budweiser American Ale debacle?  Millions of dollars spent on branding, advertising, focus groups, and in the end the beer was a flop.  Why?  Because it lacked any distinguishable character!  After that they did a brief foray into a wheat beer and a pale ale.  I actually got to try those when they were in the testing phase.  They were bland and not surprisingly didn't do well when they were released to a larger audience.  Again, Macro was trying to break into the market with the mentality of "People like this wheat beer, we should make one.  But we can't make it too flavorful because the average beer drinker won't like that." They just haven't understood that it isn't about how much money you can throw at something to advertise it.  Beer isn't just a commodity, but something we enjoy tasting, smelling, talking about, and sharing with others.

Then they bought Goose Island and the craft beer world held its breath.  And lots of cursing and smack talking ensued.  I have said it before and I'll say it again: as long as my Bourbon County Stout doesn't change, I'll still buy it.  But I don't have to like doing it.  I noticed in the past two years that the Goose Island 312 wheat beer has really received the Budweiser treatment, getting a makeover and tons of advertising and distribution across the country.  Named for the 312 area code of Chicago where the beer used to be made, I find is sad that the beer is now made in New York (at least according to most recent account I could find on line.) And then they released 312 Urban Pale Ale.  This beer tastes exactly like the failed Budweiser craft trial version I had several years ago.  But now they have a respected craft beer name to attach it to.  Well done Budweiser.  Well done.

So at the same time the AB-Inbev mocks us, they try to sneak into our pocket books.  I recommend that my readers continue their efforts to buy craft, buy local, and buy according to taste and enjoyment.  I also recommend that you avoid drinking beer from a brewery that mocks you and others like you.  Get to know where the beers you drink are made, and if they are true small businesses or are owned by faceless corporations.